beautiful people...

And its beautiful people like you; who suck the life right out of my heart. :(
And its beautiful people like you, who makes me cry.

On Vladimir Ilich Lenin

On my reading list, a book i happened to recover from my mother's stack of books lying untouched for years now. The purchase of the book dated 1987, before i was even born<lol>

For those interested in Political economy, this book tells a very important period in the life of V.I.Lenin, the years 1897-1899 which he spent in exile in Eastern Siberia. It consists of documentary testimonies of Lenin himself, his family, friends and acquaintances, which combine to produce an exhaustive picture of the circumstances of his life in the village of Shushenskoye, the people he associated with, and vast literary- revolutionary work he performed in the exile.
  I love how every detail in the book is so well written; the way every letter is put to perfect literary understanding, Lenin's thirst for knowledge, his outlook towars life- politics& economy. Myself, a student of economics (a zealous student of course... hahaha) relates to him on certain agendas and perspectives. 

MAKING IT HAPPEN.

It is said that Fate only takes you to a certain point, then its up to you to MAKE It HAPPen.. Its all about taking charge of your own life; RESPONSIBILITY with a capital R.  I often keep myself wondering of the little yet significant circumstances i have battled with. And it would be of utmost disgrace to have claimed that my deeds were more often than not, righteous; although it is, as i would like to announce that most of the time lined with an abundance of good intentions.  Bringing on matters of the heart, to be specific; sometimes, well, pointing towards oneself,a fairly large second of a minute, affections go unexpressed especially towards the one loved most.  Unwritten Rules are laid down and when you find yourself breaking them whenever and wherever; one is most likely to feel withdrawn at a certain point of time.  Or rather, you find the other person slowly  leaving the scenario for the better.

   I suppose not everyone is bestowed. Most definitely. An envelope of confidence is far down the line. There's not i hate more than having to take the cowards way out( i do it , well almost all the time). A very dear friend of mine once delivered a fairly long, boring yet meaningful speech on " Going after what yooooooou want in life"( stressing a bit on The YOU there); And then for the second time, YOU, a dramatic pause that allows one, well in this case, us, me, to absorb the carefully pronounced word in order to get the full effect of what comes next....WANT.....I believe the speech was anonymously directed towards me, i am almost certain, although there was a few of us gathered at the time. I just thought it would make the most sense if it was for my sole benefit for they find me more susceptible to indulging in a state of dilemma ( i find it highly amusing that they believe me to gain a sort of orgasmic encounter)   Of course, i am always in denial.. at least for as long as i can retain myself.I did not know what to think and merely kept casting timid glances at him.

   After a few episodes of unwanted dramatic,excruciating yet heartfelt scenes , the very same dear person told me i have his best interest at heart and that he needs to stop seeing me aimlessly chase butterflies on a typical rainy day. I promised( i think;)) the lad i'll get there on my own time, weighing in mind.( the not so much anticipated) consequences of a sudden break of dawn.